GIFT

親愛的珍妮佛：

聽到你的消息真好，非亞長大了，你也長大不少啊。有你的堅持，new year resolution一定會慢慢實現的。

至於我的在第二周就破功了>< 代導的這一周隨班吃飯，想到以後長時日工作疲累，會不會一累就懶了呢? 我會再努力看看。只是，工作一結束，竟然就腸胃炎了起來。幸好是學期末了，否則一直跑廁所，不就慘了。

自從開始這個工作之後，我發現敏銳處理事情的能力，大不如前。想事情的思維呈現的是單線的，在複雜多向的環境之中，我常想著完成某一件事，另一件事就忘了；而且，思考的速度變慢，常有跟不上之感，或是來不及完成，完全的「落潻」的狀況。也許是這裡的工作環境營造的速度就是很快，常有追不上的感覺。有時同事會安慰我這個「松島(菜菜子)老師」，一切只是因為是新手的關係。也會適時地把我從情緒溝通，導向理性溝通來幫忙我處理問題。我都感恩的。

只是，在這個私人「公司」上班，個人是無法決定要教哪一個班級及年級，是很看「業績」的，或是上司想要我們「PK」一較功力，或只是上司們部局的棋子。我也有想要教的年級，也想不要被比教，或是可以少累一點點。可是，我不可能是例外，更何況我是「松島」。

這樣的狀況，在任何的私人公司都是會發生的吧。對於重新開始一個新的職業生涯都會遇到的狀況吧。

換個角度想，這是蛻變的過程吧，把不好的部份削去的過程，變強壯的過程。

我不確定這次會堅持多久，一步一步吧。

禮物

Dear Jennifer,  

Glad hearing from you. Fiya looks great under your care. I am convinced that you can keep your new year resolution due to your persistence. :)

Unfortunately, one of my new year resolutions was dumped this week: I have prepared NO lunch box last week. XD Being assigned to a temporary tutor job, I had school lunch with students over one week. so sad.... Hopefully, I can keep my all wishes in coming days. 

Actually, I have been depressed since starting back to workplace. Around six monthes.  I found that my working ability seemingly was not as competitive as before. Everything can not be well managed at very quick pace. Maybe this workplace is not like the place I used to work in. May I am glad to live my life at slow tempo in my break years. Luckily, some kind colleagues of mine sometimes encourage me with supportive words to me. It takes time to get used to this job, especially for a junior teacher. 

However, in this private Enterprises, employees are given their tasks in any grade or position by the president and managers. Nothing to do with our own aspiration. Sometimes, I was not satisfied with their decision. But, what can I do for it?

I know it happens in some private companies. And it also happens to everyone who just restart their career.

Positively thinking, it can be a process of  transforming to be stronger. 

Actually, I am not quite sure how far I can go, with my weak persistence. 

I don't give it a try.

Instead, I put my feet on the ground and walk step by step. Let's see. 

Iamgift.